A gloomy day for a grim rememberance...

This morning while walking down the street, I suddenly remembered that today is 9/11...How is it that we move on so easily from such aweful happenings...? I guess that if I had been unfortunate enough to lose one of my loved ones, (3 of which were on planes headed to nyc or in the nearby vicinity), that this event would not be so easily shaken off, so I cannot begin to imagine what those unhappy souls are going thru right now, that have this burden to shoulder...

I have yet to loose someone I really care about (KNOCK ON WOOD) to such a happening, or even in their sleep for that matter, so I can only imagine what I will do to hang on....I am not the self destructive type...not in any obvious way that I can detect, so at least I have that going for me...

Recently, I had the realization that I am still in some sort of shock over the move to this mad city...On the surface, things have calmed down, but inside, I realize I am still in some sort of daze...Still trying to find where I will truly enter the massive dialogue, that makes up this incredible place...All I can do is plod on....and build some sort of structure for navigating this chaos of a million voices and experiences....

I have been fighting to remain in a conscious dialogue with the entity of this city...which I feel will actually communicate with one, if you are willing to read the signs all about you...and to actually talk back...(perhaps this is the universe as a whole, but I really feel it here...) AND THIS CITY REALLY DOES TALK BACK....So lately I have been trying to get back to that fresh hyper-awareness of that prescence, to let it know I am still listening, to keep my mind from shutting off...letting the pathway clog up with everyday reality, and mind-numbing routine....

I have given notice at yet another restaurant job....I was....AM... being drained of too much energy in that chaotic place...and find myself in shouting matches more often than a laid back dude like me cares to subject himself to...even though standing up for oneself can be a liberating and energizing experience....Luckily there are more jobs of the like in this town than one can shake ten sticks at so....

I proclaimed the goal of wanting to be in a creative means of making an income, whether thru odd-jobs, or some actually satisfying creative endeavors, by my sister Ginnie's birthday next year (We were out celebrating and made these vows to each other on her day...), and getting outta food-service seems to have been a necessary part of realizing that said goal....so there it is....

Hope you are all being productive in whatever way you can find to be.....and hope we are all that much closer to attaining what will truly make us happy, by this time next year...if for no other reason than to make this sad day a little easier to deal with....