An ARTIST is born

It has been a long road to my personal acceptance of the fact that I AM, myself, an artist....I have been creative my whole life- something that a huge number of us creative types have probably stated when writing an application cover letter for a grant or scholarship or what have you, at some point or other. Now adays, as I see myself becoming more of a sculptor (though really, why is it neccessary to state these things? Why can't we be involved in all sorts of creative endeavors? Perhaps I say I am evolving into more of a sculptor (Thank you, Martin Puryear...), because it seems to me that I have spent a good deal of my life figuring things out that others seemed to just know right away...SCULPTOR is simply a marker or chapter heading anyway....there is too much out there for me to lay down and SPECIALIZE after all this struggling...). AHEM. As I see myself evolving more into sculture...I recall, or can see how this was laying dormant in me from early on: I used to collect those quartz (or agate?) rocks, with smooth milky colors, and I'd take colored markers to them to create my own GEMS....or the dioramas I loved to make...I've always been obcessed by 3 dimensionality in art....breaking the 2-d wall...


In high school, one of my english (or was it history?) teachers, MR. LLEWELYN (spelling?) recruited me to do some illustrations for the school literary supplement at Bishop Montgomery High school. I always was doodling in the margins of my textbooks, and notebooks (even going so far as to create some pretty elaborate flipbooks), but never thought of it as what I would do...There was already one artist in our family: my older brother JOE, and for some unfathomable reason, I didn't think 2 was allowed, or I thought people would just think I was trying to copy him (?!)...but Mr. LLEWELYN, turned that tide....starting a very small shift in me that would take quite some time to show results....I've always wanted to thank him for believing in me enough to make that simple act- I really hadn't had anyone really show that kind of belief in my abilities that I can recall....I did end up going to college for a few years...but going into art was just some vague gesture...I still refused to believe in myself for some reason (probably because I still hadn't dealt with coming out of the closet)....Then I got a scholarship to go to PENLAND SCHOOL OF CRAFTS in North Carolina for a concentration in blacksmithing, to add to my skill arsenal....before deciding to come to NYC (a fluke in and of itself, but I felt I'd spent enough time in SEATTLE-15 years!!!- and thought it was finally time to move on).... I was finally starting to be aware of having some kind of talent or natural ability, and was now struggling to put it to words...trying to make DECISIONS about what to do about it....And then New York reared it's beautiful skyline, and I was hooked. Maybe I wanted to make those I'd left back in Washington proud, or I was sick of not giving myself enough credit, but in New York everyone is rushing about trying to be something, and it was the first time I felt comfortable using that often loaded phrase: I AM AN ARTIST, with confidence, with real knowing that that was what I was, and am.


One day I was working for a stylist in Chelsea, one of the many good fortunes I've had come along at the right moment thus far...and I was rushing somewhere on an errand, and stopped on the side walk when I saw this: (CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO READ PLAQUE)








When I read the plaque around this small fenced in area, my first impulse was to climb right in, but I was self-conscious about it, and hurried on my way, only to kick myself for worrying about what anyone else thought.
But later I intentionally walked by again on my way home, and this time I climbed right inside and sat a while, proud of the group I belonged to. Proud that I could finally get on with the DOING, now that I knew what I was....


Thank you New York for letting live here amoung the many struggling artists, trying to find their voice.... And Thank you SCOTT KAPLAN for this wonderful park, that's ALL MINE....